Well, it's been a year since I left the lab. I survived. And, no, I don't miss research.
I miss the students
During my PhD and PostDoc, I personally supervised around 30 students and I really enjoyed working with such an enthusiastic group of people. The constant flow of new faces, new ideas and new stories was a great part of academia. Not to mention the multi-cultural nature of every lab that I worked in meant that we'd have long, hilarious discussions with new students about the weird etiquette of Britain and the UK, and how that was different in China, Russia, Germany, Austria, Mexico, India, Portugal, Estonia...
I miss being someone that knows things other people don't know
This makes me sound like a bit of a tool but when you're the long standing PostDoc, you're time is taken up with people who need you. You fast become the go-to person for all the labs needs, scientific and pastoral.
Can't get your culture to grow? Ask the PostDoc, they'll know what to do. Jim is crying in the lab because his culture won't grow - Ask the PostDoc, they'll know what to do. I'm thinking of quitting the lab and becoming a sheep farmer in New Zealand - Ask the PostDoc, they'll know what to do.
I'm starting from the bottom again and it's not easy, but I hope that I'm building up my skills and reputation so that I can be someone knowledgable enough that people will one day turn to me for advice.
I miss the confidence
I could just write 'see above', but I'll elaborate. The pressure that comes with being responsible for so many decisions in the lab means that you also have the confidence to make those decisions, defend them and know when you need to change your mind.
As a newcomer, I think I'm sometimes a bit cautious, but I need to be. I often have no idea if what I'm about to say is completely wrong. It usually pans out and it bolsters my confidence for the future, but it's not the same as the confidence that comes from being in the same job for a while.
I miss the money
I'd love to say that changing your career is easy and doesn't have any repercussions. Maybe for some people, it doesn't. I've lost a large portion of my income and after a year, I still feel like I've taken a 25% paycut, rather than feeling proud that I've worked my way up in a year from what amounted to a 60% paycut.
Money doesn't matter when you have it. The rest of the time, it matters. I'm very aware that my decision to leave research meant that my husband and I had to change our plans for our first flat and that I probably wouldn't have been able to get by if it wasn't for his help. I'm very grateful.
I don't miss the crying*
In my last 3 to 6 months in research, someone cried every day. Every day. It was pretty grim and it was often me. And I'm not a crier.
My first Comms job out of research, I think I made it until 3 months of rose-tinted glasses before I was sobbing in a park on my lunch break. I couldn't take the demands of the job coupled with the pay. At the time, it was costing me money to work. My wages simply didn't cover my bills even though I walked several miles to work and back to save £5 a day. There are a lot of highly-qualified people doing similar low-paid jobs and internships because the job market is fierce and, like me, they don't have enough non-research experience.
[For the record, I'm nearly 9 months in to my new job and I've only had to hide in the loos to compose myself once. When I found out Terry Pratchett died.]
I don't miss lab-etiquette
Perhaps because of the high pressure nature of the lab and the crushing defeat that is ever-looming, the lab can be a bit of an etiquette minefield.
There are things that you MUST put back in their place, because Jo the PostDoc from the lab next door NEEDS the solvents to be arranged by strength and not alphabetical order, even though they're not his. Don't ask Lisa from upstairs for a favour on a Tuesday. I can't believe someone has dared to use the incubator that we haven't used in over a year - the cheek! Someone just asked Stores for something and it's early (pre 10 am)/nearly lunchtime (after 10.30 am)/lunchtime (12-2pm) just after lunch(after 2.30pm)/late (after 4pm).
Of course there are politics and difficult characters everywhere but academia seemed to almost encourage this sort of behaviour, as long as the research gets done.
I don't miss the research
Perhaps this is the most surprising of all - I don't miss the research itself. I was a good scientist. I was thorough and careful, and kept a very up-to-date lab book. But I just didn't like doing it in the end. Not enough, anyway.
Now, I get to read about all the successful research. I speak to scientists when they are at their most chipper - when they've just had something published or they've presented at a conference. I twist their arms and beg for their time to help promote their research or host a lab visit. I really enjoy the interaction with research and researchers, and I hope that my time in that environment gives me a real insight into the demands they have on their time. But I never think 'I wish it was me'.
I get to explain successful research to the public, the press, members of staff and the real people that these breakthroughs could help. So I'm getting the bit of research and science that I always loved - the learning - without the heartache. I leave that to our dedicated researchers.
I'm not sure if I'm done with this blog, it's more difficult to write about your job when you want to keep it, but I might pop back with some posts from time to time.
Good luck to anyone who decides to leave the lab, it's not easy and plenty of people won't understand why you're 'wasting your education' [Thanks, Uncle, for that one].
I won't say you should do something that makes you happy because, the reality is, there are plenty of dull jobs that simply get done to pay the mortgage, and that's fine. But you shouldn't do a job that makes you miserable.
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*I wrote this before the #TimHunt fiasco. Lots of people cried in my lab - men and women. And I thought it worth adding these from 8 years of life in academia:
I don't miss:
-being in a departmental meeting with around 60 people and being told by the Head of Dep that a colleague only worked with me because they must want to sleep with me.
-being told by a colleague that women with PhDs were not 'proper' women because you couldn't have the attributes of a woman and succeed to PhD level.
-being asked to use my 'charm' to get someone to lend a piece of kit to my group as my boss was sure I'd be able to 'persuade' them.
-explaining to my colleague that my husband did not 'mind' that I had a PhD.
